New Heroes
by Diablo-2-Freak
Summary: A funny story about some characters taking the roles of the usual characters. Some funny things result. Please R&R!!!!!! BRAND NEW CHAPTER UP CHAPTER 13!!!!!!!!
1. So it begins...

Now, where was I... Oh yeah. I don't own the rights to any one of the diablo characters (except the ones I made up) and all that other junk I gotta say... Now on to the story and i hope you enjoy!!!!!!!!!!  
  
But before you read the story I better tell you this...  
  
text inclosed in these [ ] means an action performed by a character for example:  
  
Akara:"Hi everybody!" [waves]  
  
and text inclosed in asterixes * * means me, the narrator is speaking.  
  
Now hurry up and read my story and review it!!!!  
  
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It was a lovely day in the Sacturary and Akara was busily cleaning out her tent (if you could call that hunk of junk a tent) when suddenly. CRASH as a section of the wall in the rougue encampment was blown off by something that looked like a naked barbarian and an assassin in an highly embarrasing position flew threw the air and landed with a crash into Akaras tent knocking it flying.  
  
Akara:"What the hell do you two think you are doing!" she screamed at them.  
  
Assassin:"Uhhhh... I was a... was aaahh.. teaching the barbarian some new errrr... tricks! Yeah thats it, tricks!" she said as she hurriedly put on her skimpy black armour.  
  
Kashaya:"Hey Akara whats happening? I heard a crash and... Whoa! What a fine hunk of man we have here!"  
  
*Everyone in the Rouge encampment starts looking at Kashaya as if she is a loony except for the barbarian who is starting at a patch of dirt on the ground (he still hasn't realised he has no clothes on).*  
  
  
Kashaya:"Errrrr. Did I just say that out loud?"  
  
Everyone (except barb):"Yes."  
  
Kashaya:"Oookay..... soooo... ummm how bout we go get some food?"  
  
Barb who has just found an interesting puddle of water to stare at: "Food!?!?! Did you say Food?!?! Mmmmmmmm IM STARVING!!!!!!"  
  
*Several chickens and startled women later the barbarian is fed and dressed*  
  
Assassin:"So OogaBooga?" (this was the barbarians name. DUH. What? you think his name was barbarian?)  
  
OogaBooga looks up from the most interesting stick he had ever found:[lound grunt]  
  
Assassin:"Why are we here?"  
  
OogaBooga:"We here to save the world with these guys over here" [indicates three people stading to his right]  
  
Assasin:"Hey! how did you guys get here?"  
  
Person 1:"Beats me."  
  
Person 2:"Not a clue"  
  
Person 3: "I like ham!" [grins idioticly]  
  
Oog Booga:"You do!?" he roared  
  
Person 3:"Do you?" he asked  
  
OogaBooga:"I LOVE IT!"  
  
*And Person 3 and Oog Booga walked off hand in hand and were never seen again*  
  
Assassin:"This is too weird for me I QUIT!"  
  
Assassin has left this world. Diablo's minons become weaker  
  
Akara:"How she do that?"  
  
Person 1:"Beats me."  
  
Person 2:"Not a clue"  
  
  
  
  
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And so ends the very first chapter of New Heroes! This is my very very very first fanfic and I must ask you to judge it on that factor. Nice comments would be appreciated but hey flames are also ok. I just wanna get an idea on how my story is goin. If you can plz give me name suggestions for the the *Persons*. Thanks! 


	2. Just who are these mysterious people???

What? You want to read the disclaimer again? Oh well here we go... I do not own any of the characters or places mentioned in this fanfic exept the name of the Barbarian (OogaBooga) and the characters I made up. So anyway, on with the story!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
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*Last time in New Heroes we left the two mysterious people in the Rogue Encampment with no clue what the hell they are supposed to be doing*  
  
Person 1:"What the hell are we supposed to be doing?"  
  
*Hey I already said that!*  
  
Person 1:"Oops sorry."  
  
*Appology accepted now please try not to repeat this in future ok?*  
  
Person 1:"Ok."  
  
Person 2:"Hey you shouldn't be talking to us, it is very unprofessional"  
  
*Sorry. Now lets continue with the story...*  
  
Akara:"We are here today to save the world..."  
  
Person 2:"We! WE!!! Don't you mean US! As in me and that guy?"  
  
Akara:"Uhhh... Well..."  
  
Person 1:"Yeah! All you do is stand near your tent and sell overpriced staffs and wands you old bat!!!"  
  
*Akara runs off in tears*  
  
Person 2:"Oooooh, Haaaaarsh."  
  
Person 1:"Whatever, while we are hear we might as well introduce ourselves. I am Sir Salwilliamsillybigfatnamethatiscompleatlyunpronouncable!"  
  
Person 2: "..."  
  
Sal:"Just call me Sal"  
  
Person 2:"Riiiiiiiiight... I am known as Fred. I am from the fircest group of hunters known to man!"  
  
Sal:"And that would be?"  
  
Fred:"Well... uhhhh its not that really impressive. Its more of an ancient art."  
  
Sal:"Please continue"  
  
Fred:"Ok ok already, I made it up as I was taking my morning shower! What my class does is we pick up rocks and we throw them at our enimes untill they die!!! There, I said it! Does that make you happy?"  
  
Sal:"Hey! you stole my idea you (Insert bad language containing descriptive words here). Throwing rocks was my idea!"  
  
*Several minutes of rock throwing and general melee follow*  
  
  
  
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Whoa! That ends another chapter in new heroes! I really hope SOME people liked it. If you didn't please keep reading the new chapters that come in, I really promise that they will get better!!! If you don't like the characters classes please say so in the review! I will work that in to the story and will give you credit for it! 


	3. The Blood Moor (Oooh sounds scary!!!)

Oh God, not another disclamer!!!! AARRRRRGGGGG *strangling noises and sqeaks of a rubber chicken*. Yeah yeah yeah Blizzard own all the chars, places and all the stuff mentioned in this fanfic execept the rock throwers Fred and Sal which are owned totally and compleatly by ME!!! all this stuff is here so Blizzard don't throw a tanrtrum and sue my ass.  
  
  
Now... on with the story. TALLY HOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
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*Last time the heroes introduced themselves and had an argument. Not much else happend*  
  
*Akara walks up and taps Fred on shoulder and Fred jumps a few feet into the air and unfortunatly lands in the fire.*  
  
Fred:*Owwwwww, OWWWWWWWWW, IT BURNS!!!!! ITS BUUUUUUURNS!!!!!!!"  
  
*He quickly jumps into a stream and cools off. By the time he gets back to Akara and Sal, Akara has already expained what they have to do.*  
  
Sal:"Hey guess what?"  
  
Fred:[sighs] "What?"  
  
Sal:"We have to go to the Den of Evil and clean it of some sort of evilness."  
  
Fred:"Ok, cool."  
  
*As the heros leave the town Sal takes a glance up at the sky and screamed*  
  
Fred:"What the hell are you screaming at?"  
  
Sal:"Uh, uh, uh UP THERE!!!!!!!"  
  
Fred:"Huh?"  
  
*Fred looks up*  
  
Fred:"HOLY SHIT"  
  
*Hovering above them is a swarm of red letters saying "ENTERING THE BLOOD MOOR"!!!!*  
  
Sal:"RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIVES!!!"  
  
*They ran into the rogue encampment but found more red letters above them saying "ENTERING THE ROGUE ENCAMPMENT." After Several screams and running back and forth between the Rogue Encampment and the Blood Moor the two heros finaly realised that the letters were not going to hurt them and were mearly guides placed there by the kind people at Blizzard.*  
  
Fred:"Who is Blizzard?"  
  
*You don't wanna know*  
  
Sal:"Ooookay... let us continue."  
  
*After they had killed several monsters in the Blood Moor they were terrified to see two red boxes with arrows on them witch said "NEW STATS" and "NEW SKILL" respectivly.*  
  
*Fred cautiously moved up close and poked the "NEW STATS" box with a spear he found on the ground*  
  
Sal:"Wow!"  
  
*The box opend up to reveal a table with numbers and words all over it. (I am not going to describe the table here. If you want to know what it looks like go play diablo 2") It was truly a sight to behold.*  
  
*Before Sal could do anything Fred put all the stat points in usless places and wasted them.*  
  
Sal:"You are an idiot! We could have put them to more use"  
  
Fred:"Oh well, shit happens  
  
* Sal took the spear off Fred and poked the "NEW SKILL" button. He chose to put the point in "FIRE ROCK."*  
  
Sal:"Sweet..."  
  
*Sal picks up a rock and somehow ignites it.*  
  
Fred:"Fire Rocks!!! BOOOH YAHHH!!!!"  
  
*The activity keeps the heros occupied for a while before the activity deteriorated into a mass drinking session leaving the two heros so drunk that they forgot how to use "FIRE ROCK."*  
  
  
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And so ends another not so exiting chapter of New heroes!!! I would really like some feedback! Good comments are always appreciated but hey, I could use the flames to reteach the heros to use "FIRE ROCK" ^_^. 


	4. Whoa! What a hangover, and the Den of Ev...

Disclaimer... where did I put that... Ahh yes, here it is. I don't own the rights to anything in this fanfic except the idea of the story and the two main characters.  
  
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*Last time on New Heroes something happened. I don't know what happened 'cause I must have joined the drinking session last time and as a result I don't remember much.*  
  
Sal:"Whoa, major hangover..." he groaned  
  
Fred:"Yeah, what a doosy."  
  
*Fred falls on the ground dazed and Sal tries to help him up.*  
  
Sal:"We better take a couple of healing potions"  
  
*After taking the healing potions they are instantly sober and feel ready to continue on their journey. They also mysteriously gain their memories back and also remember how to use fire rock.*  
  
Fred:"Ok, I remember what we have to do, we have to go to the Den of Evil"  
  
Sal:"Well lets get movin."  
  
*The two heros eventually find the Den of Evil*  
  
Sal:"We have finally found the Den of Evil!"  
  
*Dude, I have already talked to you about repeating me.*  
  
Sal:"Sorry..."  
  
*And just to make sure it doesn't happen again [sends down large lightning bolt and fries Sal],*  
  
Sal:"Owie!" he squeaked  
  
*The heros continue and begin to clear out the Den of Evil.*  
  
Fred:"Wait I better check out quest log" [presses "Q" on his keyboard]  
  
Fred:"Ok, there is one monster left."  
  
Sal:"Groovy."  
  
Fred:"Whatever..."  
  
*After running 'round the Den of Evil a few times around the den the two heroes come across this funny looking zombie.*  
  
Sal:"There it is KILL IT!"  
  
Zombie:"Yo my brothers! What is up with youse now?"  
  
Fred:"Oh god..."  
  
Sal:"RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIVES!!!"  
  
*The two herose run as fast as they can all the way back to the rogue encampment*  
  
Sal:"Oh man that was scary!"  
  
Fred:"Let us never speak of that event ever again."  
  
*It never was*  
  
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And so ends another exiting episode of, NEW HEROES!!! (jeez I love being immature) I would just like to thank you guys in advance for reading my fanfic even thou its probably crap. If you think the chapters are too short.. Well too bad. Im adding a new chapter almost every day. (unless fanfiction.net keeps screwing up like it has been latley and preventing me from uploading chapters.) 


	5. Will that darn den ever go away?!?!?!?

Hey again everbody! What? Nooooooooo!!! Not another disclamer. Oh alright. I don't own the stuff that Blizzard owns yada yada yada, just read the damn story.  
  
  
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*Once again we join our heroes Fred and Sal at the Rogue Encampment after compleating their quest to rid the Den of Evil of its errr... Evil?*  
  
Fred:"Akara!"  
  
*Akara falls over in fright, hurting her back*  
  
Fred:"Oops. Sorry" [giggles]  
  
Akara:"..."  
  
Sal:"We have compleated our quest!"  
  
Akara:"No you haven't. You didn't kill the nefarious BLACK ZOMBIE!!!"  
  
*BUH BUH BUMMMMM*  
  
Sal:"DOH!"  
  
Fred:[checks the quest log] "Ah God damnit! It says we can't compleat the quest! we gotta do something like join a new game!"  
  
Sal:"I dunno how to join another game! Now we will never defeat the three prime evils!"  
  
Catatstrophic_Violence has join this world. Diablo's minons grow stronger  
  
Fred:"..."  
  
Sal:"..."  
  
Catatstrophic_Violence:"Hey guys, do you want me to power act you thru' act 1?  
  
Sal:[nods head]  
  
Catatstrophic_Violence:"Ok ill give you the Catacombs WP first"  
  
*Catatstrophic_Violence gives the two heroes the waypoint and makes a town portal*  
  
Fred:[whispering] "I don't like this dude. I'm gonna kill him"  
  
Fred has declaried hostility on Catatstrophic_Violence  
  
Catatstrophic_Violence:"What the hell?"  
  
Fred was slain by Catatstrophic_Violence  
  
Catatstrophic_Violence:"Man, you guys are weird."  
  
Catatstrophic_Violence has left this world. Diablo's minions become weaker.  
  
Fred:"Owie."  
  
*Somehow or another the game glitched and the the two heroes found themselves in the battle.net chatroom*  
  
Fred:"Ok, what just happend?"  
  
Sal:"I dunno, Im gonna go and get myself a life"  
  
You friend Sal (*SalTheMan) has exited battle.net  
  
Fred:"What the hell is happening?!?!?! Am I going crazy?!?!?!"  
  
*Fred quickly picks up his trusty computer chair and smashes his computer in and runs off into the real world screaming like a lunitic. Never to be seen again. BUH BUH BUMMMMM!!!!*  
  
Author's Note: I know it may not make scence on how the hell he got out of the Diablo world but hey! Just accept the damn fact. I'm the author and I get to say what happens so NER!!!  
  
  
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Is this the end of new heros? will it continue? why the hell am I asking myself questions? That shall never be known... I am thinking about ending New Heroes here but if you are weird and you actually enjoyed this story please review and I might get a change of heart and maby get some New New Heros and continue the story. Untill then im gonna go get myself a life. *Runs off into the real world screaming like a lunatic.* ^_^ 


	6. The next quest THE BLOOD what???

Disclaimer... Why must the infernal disclaimers torture me for all eternity!!! Why!!! WHY!!!!!!!!!  
  
ok... I've calmed down. Go back a chap and read the damn disclaimer if you want to, I've just gotta do a little ranting before I get down to the story... Many thanks to chazbone for the encouragement! Because you asked here is the next exciting chap in NEW HEROES!!!!!!!  
  
Just a quick note: Me, the author will now have different way of speaking... text in *text* is just me narrating and when it is like this **text** is me talking to the characters. Now on with the story!!!  
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*It is a new day in the Sanctuary and the two heroes have, inevitably been pulled back into the crazed madness of the Diablo 2 addiction (hey maybe I could design Diablo 2 patches (as in the ones with ciggaretts not the software patches you moron)... I'd make a fortune... hehehe) and started playing again. Fred and Sal are now in the Diablo 2 chatroom*  
  
Fred:"Awwwww crap... The game don't exist no more..."  
  
Sal:"Damnit!!!"  
  
Everyone else in the chatroom:"Shut the hell up guys just whisper to each other!"  
  
Sal:[sarcastically] "Well soooooooooory!"  
  
*The two heroes decide to make a game and join. Sal joins a game and after waiting about a minute the black screen finally recedes and finds himself in the game. A few moments later Fred joins and suffers the same fate.*  
  
Sal:[frantically] "Fred! Fred!! FRED!!! What's wrong buddy? Why aren't you moving?"  
  
*A few moments later Fred begins to move and when the lag clears he finds himself being hugged by a frantic Sal.*  
  
Fred:"Oooookay... get off me NOW!"  
  
Diablo-2-Freak has joined this world Diablo's minions grow stronger  
  
Sal:"Good one! Now you made Diablo's minions stronger! I hate you!"  
  
Fred:"Shhhhh dude. This is the Author you are talking to!"  
  
Diablo-2-Freak"Mwhahahahaha! I am the almighty Author and I can do as I please." [Forms a large sofa and footrest beside himself and sits down]  
  
Sal:"Point taken."  
  
Diablo-2-Freak:"Because I don't have the time or the bother to write you doing the den of evil again I'll just say you have done it."  
  
Fred:"Sweet."  
  
Diablo-2-Freak:"The quest is now completed. I shall now leave and continue to narrate from the comfort of my computer chair."  
  
Diablo-2-Freak has left this world Diablo's minions grow weaker  
  
Sal:[mumbles under breath] "Damn lousy author, thinks he can do what he wants..."  
  
**I can hear you**  
  
*Transforms Sal's clothes into a frilly pink tutu and Sal starts bashing himself in the head with a rock.*  
  
**As you can see. Insulting me gets you nowhere**  
  
Fred:"Common Diablo-2-Freak just put him back to how he was. I need a partner."  
  
*Sal is reverted back to normal*  
  
**I have tired of your rock-throwing ways. I have decided to change your classes to Barbarian and Paladin**  
  
Sal:"I want Paladin 'cuz barbs are stupid"  
  
**Sal shall be the barbarian and Fred shall be the Paladin.**  
  
Sal:"Me... SMASH... AUTHER."  
  
*An aura forms around Fred*  
  
Fred:"Cool, well now that I'm a Pally I guess I gotta go 'Save the World' or some cr%$."  
  
Fred:"Awww sh&* I can't even swear now... ahh well. C'mon Sal lets go. C'mon, C'mon, here boy C'mon!"  
  
*Sal begins to follow Fred like a dog as they set out to kill the blood raven*  
  
Fred:"Now we have to have a plan. What we need to do is..."  
  
*Sal thumps Fred in the head with his club then runs off to get Blood Raven"  
  
Sal:"ME SMASH UHHH... WHO ME SMASH???"  
  
Blood Raven:"Join my army of the... WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW MY NAME!?!?!? ARRR WHY I SHOULD STICK MY BOW UP YOUR..."  
  
*Blood Raven had suffered the same fate as Fred except for the fact that the blow had killed her*  
  
Sal:"ME SMASH FUNNY WEIRD LADY GOOD!!!"  
  
*Sal had to wait for Fred to cast a town portal because being a barbarian (a dumb barbarian even by barbarian standards) he couldn't operate a scroll.*  
  
  
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Whoa! What a huge chapter! Don't expect more of them tho. I was feeling particularly inspired tonight and felt the need to write a heap. Its all thanks to my reviewers (all 2 of em). God damnit with having five, now six chapters up I would expect more that TWO reviews. common... Oh yeah no flames please. :) 


	7. Smartness... Uhh Whats That?

Well there is no disclaimer today because as RedLady so kindly pointed out that no one is gonna sue me 'cuz my ass is covered. SO THERE. All I have to disclaim is the fact that I do not own the story "The three little pigs."  
  
Due to popular demand (well maybe no demand but hey, who's counting?) OogaBooga (the barb from chapter one) and person #3 (also from chapter one) may make a special appearance today!!!  
  
Now to the story...  
  
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*The scene opens to a large room with a sofa in the middle. There is a crowd facing the sofa. There are three figures sitting on the sofa.*  
  
Interviewer:"Hi and welcome to the interview show that I was too lazy to name! I am Interviewer and I am joined today by two great people from the story "New Heroes"! "  
  
OogaBooga & Person #3:"Hi Interviewer!"  
  
**Ummm, guys?**  
  
All:"Yes?"  
  
**This was not my kind of idea of you making a special appearance today...**  
  
Interviewer:"Well sooooooooooory!" he said sarcastically. "I'm only trying to make a living here!"  
  
**I don't care. Goodbye Mr. Interviewer.**  
  
Interviewer:"no, No, NOOOOO!" [he screamed as a white light enveloped him and he simply ceased to exist]  
  
**Mwhahahaha! I love my ultimate Author powers**  
  
*OogaBooga & Person #3 sweatdrop*  
  
**Now back to the "real" story. And NO SCREWUPS OK?**  
  
*OogaBooga & Person #3 sweatdrop again before nodding their heads. A white light covers everything and when it clears we find our two favourite heroes in the Rogue encampment. Sal is standing around looking at stuff such as rocks and dirt while Fred is complaining to Akara.*  
  
Fred:[whining] "... awww please Akara! I need an intelligent partner who can string together more than four words to make a sentence!"  
  
Akara:"Well my child, you seem to be in luck because I happen to be a former preschool teacher. I will teach Sal how to be 'smart' again."  
  
*Fred readily agrees with Akara's proposition.*  
  
*Akara has Sal siting down on a log while she sits down near him and takes out everybody's favourite story, "The three little pigs!" Fred is off somewhere in the Rogue Encampment and is trying to find someone 'intelligent' to have a conversation with.*  
  
Akara:"... the wolf huffed and puffed and huffed..." [she had fallen asleep]  
  
A/N:You guys know what I'm talking about! You know how all the old people start reading something and put themselves to sleep. Well that's what happed here.  
  
Sal:"Story... GOOD. ME LIKE STORY!!!"  
  
*Sal starts running around blowing on things to see if he could knock them down. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, Sal's first target happened to be Gheed's tent.*  
  
Sal:"ME BLOW THING DOWN!"  
  
*Sal blew with all his might and blew off the canvas but, unfortunately, he saw something that would have poisoned his mind for all eternity (or at least until the next chapter) if he had been able to understand what he saw. He saw Gheed in his bed with look of pure pleasure on his face and something sticking up beneath the sheets. He was having a good dream and one of his fingers was sticking up! (hey, what else were you thinking? Ohhh you are a sick little puppy aint you? Sal being unfazed continues on and finds Fred practising his sword-fighting skills.*  
  
Fred:"Umm Sal, aren't you supposed to be learning under Akara to become smart again?"  
  
Sal:"ME FINISHED SCHOOL. SAL SMART NOW!"  
  
Fred:"..."  
  
Fred:"Oy, Diablo-2-Freak!"  
  
**What is it? I'm busy writing this story now so it better be good!**  
  
Fred:"Can you please make Sal smart again? I mean... You have all your godly Author powers and you could do it quite easily I bet!"  
  
**Nah I don't feel like it**  
  
Fred:"Awww common please?"  
  
**No**  
  
Fred:"Yes"  
  
**No**  
  
Fred:"Yes"  
  
**No**  
  
Fred:"YES"  
  
**NO**  
  
Fred:"YES"  
  
**NO**  
  
Fred:"YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!"  
  
**NONONONONONONONONOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!**  
  
Fred:"I'll be your friend."  
  
** [considers this for a moment] Awww ok just 'cause I'm feeling nice today!**  
  
Fred:"Thanks so much!" [he smiles]  
  
*Sal is instantly smart again*  
  
Sal:"E equals M C squared! The square root of 785 is 28.0178514522437997738574876085803!!!"  
  
Fred:"Ok... That's a little too smart!"  
  
**Too bad you get what you get**  
  
Fred:"Change it!"  
  
**No**  
  
Fred:"Yes"  
  
**No**  
  
Fred:"Yes"  
  
**No**  
  
Fred:"YES"  
  
*This continues for several minutes until Fred is zapped by a lightning bolt that gives Fred the message that he should shut up.*  
  
  
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Ok, so I lied, this was another long chap. But hey, so what? After writing that much I don't wanna say much more except I got the Yes, No argument idea from the constant battles I have with my younger sister... hehe... *sighs* 


	8. The Return and Fred goes insane

Bwhahahaha *cough* haha *cough* ha!  
  
Now it is time for the next exiting instalment of NEW HEROES!!! This time the two other chars WILL be coming back. I haven't updated for about 4 days because of school and all that crap.  
  
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*The scene opens to reveal the two heroes sitting on a log near the fire that never seems to need refuelling. Sal is furiously blabbing about equations and the like while Fred is silently going mad with his fingers in his ears.*  
  
Sal:"...Blah blah blah... plus 514 and the square root of 1869 equals..."  
  
Fred:[moaning and rocking on his heels in the foetal position] "Oh please, please make it stop!"  
  
Sal:"Huh? Do you not want to hear about the mysterious and exiting world that is maths?"  
  
Fred:"ARRRRRRRRG!!!!" [he goes insane] "RAAAAROW!!! AAHHHHHHHH! AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"  
  
Sal:"... Okaaaaaaaay... Akara, bring the sedatives!"  
  
A/N:Yes Redlady I did the sedatives idea from your seven silly savours story. The idea was just too funny to not put in!!! :)  
  
*Akara picks up the sedatives and begins to walk over.*  
  
Sal:[taps foot] "Uhhh, Akara? Could you please hurry a little? Fred is insane and needs to be sedated!"  
  
Akara:"Yes my child, I am coming to your aid!"  
  
Fred:"OOGALY-FOOGALY!!!???"  
  
*Several hours later and Akara has finally walked from her tent to the fire.*  
  
Sal:[takes the sedatives from Akara] "Thank you. I shall now administer the sedatives to Fred."  
  
*He does so*  
  
Fred:"WHAAAAA DOOOOOOOOO WAGGA WAGGA!!!! Ohhhhhhhhh..."  
  
*He collapses*  
  
Sal:"Well, now the problem has been averted. Dear author sir, could you please restore Fred to his normal, non insane status so we man rid the sanctuary of its evil?"  
  
**What? Ohhh... sure why not. I always like to help. If not, I like to piss people off.**  
  
Sal:"Oh thank you oh Author of immense power, of greatness and kindness!"  
  
**Hey hey hey... Don't overdo it buddy... Just the immense power and greatness will do.**  
  
*Fred is reverted back to normal.*  
  
Sal:"Thank you. I will now perform the action known as sleeping."  
  
*Sal walks off to bed.*  
  
*Later that night while Sal is sleeping or performing the action know as sleeping, whatever shall do, there are two mysterious figures that have walked into the Rogue Encampment unchallenged due to the lazy Rogues that have fallen asleep at their posts.*  
  
OogaBooga:"ME BACK!!!"  
  
Person #3:"Yeah, who would have guessed?"  
  
OogaBooga:"ME NO GUESSING."  
  
Person #3:"You know OogaBooga, it has really been dumb since you became dumb. It was almost like someone took what intelligence you had and gave it to someone else."  
  
**Oh, hehe. Sorry bout that...**  
  
Person #3:"WHAT?!?! Are you saying that you took OogaBooga's intelligence and gave it to someone else? Why the hell did you do that?"  
  
**Well, this guy needed it and I didn't think I would use OogaBooga anymore. As they say; a mind is a terrible thing to waste.**  
  
Person #3:"Screw this I'm going to bed. I have only been in this chapter for a few minutes and I'm already sick of it."  
  
*He leaves and leaves OogaBooga standing there until the next chapter.*  
  
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Thanks for reading! I really wish that more people would read and review. That said GO AND REVIEW. 


	9. Some more weird stuff

Well well well, look who has come crawling back to read my story... Hehe, just kidding. New chap today because I have managed to get all done with my school stuff and now am free to do as I please. Now enjoy this story or else I have wasted my time and will get severe depression and jump off a bridge and claim my own life!  
  
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*It is now morning in the Rogue Encampment. OogaBooga is standing where he was left by Person #3.*  
  
Person #3:"Ahhhh. That was a good sleep." [he stretches]  
  
OogaBooga:"Ohhhh... Me no feel so good..."  
  
Person #3"Did you stand out in the rain again?"  
  
OogaBooga:"Uh-ha"  
  
Person #3:"Well that explains it!"  
  
*While the two People are arguing the heroes have awoken and walk outside their tents and are startled by what they see before them.*  
  
Fred:"SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP!"  
  
Sal:"This is indeed most unexpected."  
  
Fred:"Why, oh why..."  
  
Sal:"Very strange indeed."  
  
Fred:"Why, NOOOOOOOO!"  
  
Sal:"This is defiantly odd."  
  
**Hey guys, do you think you could hurry this up a little?**  
  
Fred:"Oh, hehe sorry. Why are we standing here naked? Why oh why!?!?!  
  
**Oops sorry guys, I forgot to describe your clothes.**  
  
*Fred and Sal are wearing their character class clothes.*  
  
Sal:"Ahhh, much better. I now feel adequate for public appearance."  
  
Fred:"Yeah Whatever..."  
  
*But what they see next, none of them are prepared for...*  
  
Fred:"Person #3! It's really you!!!" [he runs up and hugs him tightly] "Oh yeah, and that OogaBooga guy too..."  
  
Sal:"Greetings OogaBooga!"  
  
OogaBooga:"HI!"  
  
  
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Done, another chapter. I'm feeling lazy again (damn lazyitus) so I'm not writing much at the end so deal with it, but first, REVIEW!!!! 


	10. Deckard Cain and the alleged TeddyBears

Amazing, I am now up to the double digits in chapters but they still haven't done more than 2 quests... Oh well by chapter 100 they should be done...  
  
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*Now that all the Heroes have been reunited, they are now preparing to go and rescue Deckard Cain.*  
  
OogaBooga:"ME RESCUE DECKARD CAIN RIGHT NOW!!!"  
  
Person #3:"Yeah lets go and get him so we shall receive free identification from him and well, that's about the only reason. But hey, what the hell. Lets go for it!!!"  
  
Sal:"May I inquire what your name is Person Number 3? I have not heard what it is."  
  
Person #3:"My name? Umm... ok, my name is... Ummmm... I DON'T BELIVE IT!!! I CAN'T REMEBER MY NAME!!!!!!!!"  
  
Fred:"Hahahahahaha!"  
  
Person #3:"Shut up bitch" [he slaps Fred in the face]  
  
Fred:[clutching his now red face] "Owie!"  
  
Sal:"Well this is rather odd... Well until we can find a more suitable name for you or you remember, you shall be named Number 3! The person part was removed for the convenience of the Author who is extremely lazy and does not like typing so much for a persons name."  
  
#3:"Fair enough."  
  
OogaBooga:"QUESTING TIME NOW!"  
  
#3:"Lets go for it!"  
  
Sal:"Tally ho!"  
  
*Fred still has a red face.*  
  
Fred:[grunts]  
  
Sal:"C'mon Fred, that wasn't very enthusiastic of you. Try and say this: Alright lets move!"  
  
Fred:[mumbles something that sounds like "shut up you stupid smartass"]  
  
Sal:"I'm waiting and if you don't hurry up I will be forced to use some drastic measures such as clubbing you on the head."  
  
Fred""Yeah ok, ok, just don't club me! Alright lets move!"  
  
*Fred did not seem overly exited at the prospect of the trip.*  
  
*After clicking on countless monsters the troupe made it to the Dark Woods, the home of the scroll of Infuss.*  
  
Sal:"Ahhhhhh, the Dark Woods, the home of the scroll of Infuss!"  
  
**I really hate it when people copy me...**  
  
Sal:"Sorry, I can't help it. You narrate so well it just seems that you know what we should say and we just say it!"  
  
**Damn you, you know I feel forgiving when people flatter me. Just don't copy me again ok?"  
  
Sal:"Sure, no problem."  
  
*The heroes eventually come to the Tree of Infuss. They see a single greenish brute guarding the tree. There were no other brutes around, they were having a coffee break.*  
  
Sal:"Ok guys, we need a plan of attack. What we have to do is..."  
  
*Sal is interrupted by OogaBooga as he runs past him straight towards the brute.*  
  
OogaBooga:"ME HUG BIG FURRY TEDDY!!!"  
  
Fred:"Hehehe, this is gonna be good." [Settles down under a tree with a bag of popcorn]  
  
#3:"Bitch" [slaps Fred for the second time] "And where did you get that popcorn?"  
  
Fred:"Beats me. And please stop slapping me, I have sensitive skin!"  
  
OogaBooga:"TEEEEEEDYYYYYYYYY!!!"  
  
*OogaBooga leaped up and grabbed the Brute and started squeezing with all him might. Unfortunately for Treehead Woodfist, all OogaBooga's might was much too much for him and he began to suffocate."  
  
Treehead Woodfist:"Ahhhhhhhh. Gurgle gurgle gurgle..."  
  
Treehead Woodfist was slain by OogaBooga  
  
OogaBooga:"Awwwww. What happened to teddy?"  
  
*Fred almost wets himself because he is laughing so hard.*  
  
Sal:"I have retrieved the scroll of Infuss. We must now rescue Deckard Cain the last remaining Horadram!"  
  
*Fred grumbles.*  
  
Sal:"Now now Fred. You wouldn't want me to resort to violence would you?"  
  
Fred:"Eeep, Alright lets move!"  
  
Sal:"Very good."  
  
*The Heroes reach the cairn stones and OogaBooga noticed a strange dark blue Carver."  
  
OogaBooga:"ANOTHER TEDDY!?!?!?!?"  
  
Sal:"Oh no... Please OogaBooga don't do it!"  
  
Fred:"Mwhahahaha!" [slap] "OWWWWWW!"  
  
#3:"Humpf!"  
  
OogaBooga:"MY TEDDY!!!"  
  
*OogaBooga ran at full pace towards Rakanishu. He began to hug it as hard as he could. Rakanishu began to send out his charged bolts."  
  
OogaBooga:"HEHE SILLY TEDDY TRYING TO KILL ME WITH DEADLY ELECTRICAL BOLTS! HEHEHE!!!"  
  
Rakanishu:"Rakansihu!" [dies]  
  
OogaBooga:"AWWWWWW... TEDDY GO BYE BYE..."  
  
*Fred is now rolling around on the ground practically laughing his head off. He then received multiple slaps from Number 3.*  
  
*Sal activated the portal and they all journeyed into Tristram. When they go there they ran about like lunatics for a few minutes until Sal got them all under control. He then explained a long and detailed (not to mention very good) battle plan that no one paid attention to. Not even me so I cannot write it down.*  
  
Sal:"... and then BAM! We have Deckard Cain safe in the Rogue Encampment and we will have completed the quest!"  
  
OogaBooga:"Awwwwwww... TOO MUCH TALKING ME CONFUSED!" [he hits Sal on the head knocking him out. He then receives cheers from all the party members who were not bored to sleep by Sal's battle plan who were soon woken up by an overenthusiastic barbarian]  
  
Fred:"Right, how about we just run in there and Grab Cain and then get out?"  
  
OogaBooga:"ME LIKE PLAN, LETS GO!"  
  
*The Heroes were soon back in camp with Deckard Cain.*  
  
Deckard Cain:"Well done heroes. I will give you free identification for your magical items."  
  
Everyone except Sal:"YAY!"  
  
#3:"Hey, where's Sal?"  
  
*Fred starts laughing.*  
  
Fred:"We, HAHAHA, left him, HAHAHAHA, back in Tristram, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
All:"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"  
  
  
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There ya go guys, a nice long juicy chapter to stifle your New Heroes hunger. Now REVIEW! 


	11. Good ol' Stratagy Guides

Thanks so much you guys for reviewing all the time (RedLady, Chazbone, Mr Platypus and Qualinesti) it is appreciated. And now, without further ado here is chapter eleven of NEW HEROES!!!!!!!!!!  
  
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*Last time in New Heroes we left all our heroes (except Sal) laughing in the Rogue Encampment. It is now the next morning and the heroes are eating breakfast consisting of bacon, eggs and porridge.*  
  
OogaBooga:"MMMMMMMM. ME LIKE PORRIDGE!"  
  
Fred:"MMMMMMMMMM. I love bacon!"  
  
#3:"MMMMMMMMMMMMMM. I love turkey sandwiches!"  
  
Fred:"HEY! No fair! Where did you get the turkey sandwich?"  
  
#3:"Beats me, I just found myself eating it."  
  
*The heroes were soon disturbed from their discussion on where the sandwich had come from by a very bedraggled Sal who had come threw a newly formed portal.*  
  
Sal:"YOU BASTERDS! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME IN TRISTRAM!?!?! NOT ONLY DID YOU KNOCK ME OUT BUT WHEN I WOKE UP I HAD TO DEAL WITH LEGONS OF SKELETONS AND NOT TO MENTION GRISWOLD WHO TOOK ABOUT TWO HOURS TO KILL BECAUSE HE HAS A RIDUCULOUS AMOUNT OF HEALTH FOR THE PART OF THE GAME HE'S IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
OogaBooga:"ME THOUGHT ME WAS ONLY ONE TO TALK IN CAPITALS! ME CONFUSED!!!"  
  
Fred:"OogaBooga, you are always confused."  
  
OogaBooga:"OH YEAH..."  
  
*#3 chortles.*  
  
*After almost physically beating an apology out of the three other party members Sal calmed down considerably and then ate his breakfast and washed up.*  
  
Sal:"Now, what quest are we doing today? Are we rescuing a damsel in distress or slaying some foul beast?"  
  
Fred:"Dude, you seem to be becoming more and more like a Paladin every day. I mean, shut up with all this damn righteousness!"  
  
Sal:"Well remember, I wanted to be a paladin but the mean Author wouldn't let me..." [he pouts]  
  
*Kashya walks up to the heroes.*  
  
OogaBooga:"WHAT WE DO TODAY?"  
  
Kashya:"Nothing, there is no quest today."  
  
#3:"Well if that's the case I'm going to be reading my Diablo 2 strategy guide!"  
  
Fred:"And I will annoy him by looking over his shoulder and reading with him!"  
  
#3:"Basterd" [once again slaps Fred]  
  
*As #3 and Fred were reading #3 discovered something.*  
  
#3:"FRED!!! I told you to stop reading over my shoulder! It's really, really, REALLY annoying!" [he slaps Fred]  
  
*After Fred has been slapped several more times he gets the message that he should go away. Then #3 discovers something else.*  
  
#3:"OOGABOOGA!!! STOP THAT!!! WHY MUST PEOPLE READ OVER MY SHOULDER!!!"  
  
OogaBooga:"ME NO READING OVER SHOULDER!!! ME CAN'T READ! ME LOOK AT PRETTY PICTURES!"  
  
*#3 still gets annoyed and starts repeatedly bitch-slapping OogaBooga until he lies in a quivering, bloody heap with OogaBooga saying over and over "Crazy man hurt OogaBooga. Crazy man hurt OogaBooga..." *  
  
*Now that the interferences had been 'removed' and Sal knew better to go over there, #3 found that Kashya had ripped them off!!!*  
  
#3:"Ooooooooooooo Kashya!!!" he sang in a sweet voice.  
  
Kashya:"What now you annoying little worm!"  
  
#3:"You have cheated us out of getting mercenaries!"  
  
Kashya:"Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit!!! They should ban those strategy guides! Here, take your damn mercenaries!"  
  
#3:"Wait! What are their names?"  
  
Kashya:"They have no names, just call 'em all Rogue."  
  
#3:"Ok! Thanks again!" 


	12. POOL PARTY!!!

Sorry all you New Heroes fans for the LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG wait for the next chapter. I do have an excuse *shoves excuse forwards*. Erm, ahh yes, Diablo-2-Freak didn't write chapters cuz of damn school, other education, and more school crap such as assignments and the like. Oh please help me! Diablo-2-Freak is threatening me with a large pointy stick! AHHHHHHH! Thank you excuse. Now on to the long awaited story!!!!!!!  
  
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*The sun is in the sky shining and the heroes find themselves taking a leisurely walk through the Stony Field.*  
  
Fred:"Why the hell are we in the Stony Field? Weren't we just getting our mercenaries from Kashya in the last chapter? I think the Author has some explaining to do..."  
  
**Well I couldn't think of a decent start to this chapter for you doing the Countess quest and you have to be in the Stony Field to get the quest and I'm lazy so you just start here, ok?**  
  
Fred:"Fine."  
  
*The Heroes run around the field until they find the book. This takes a while but when they find it they get the quest and find they must now go to the Black Marsh to find the tower.*  
  
#3:"God Damnit! Why must we continually run around doing all these pointless quests?"  
  
Sal:"I'm sure the Author has good reason for all of his actions and I have the upmost faith in him!"  
  
**God Damnit! Stop with all this kissassing Sal! Nobody likes a kissass.**  
  
*Sal looks sad.*  
  
**Awwwww. I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?**  
  
Sal:"Sure! Lets get on with the quest!"  
  
Fred:"Um, is it just me or does it seem awfully quiet here today?"  
  
#3:"Yeah, HEY! Where's OogaBooga?"  
  
OogaBooga:"ME COMMING!"  
  
*OogaBooga came running up to them but in both his hands he held a brute's hand.*  
  
OogaBooga:"ME FOUND MORE TEDDIES!!! SAL, YOU HAVE ONE TOO!"  
  
*OogaBooga released one from his grasp.*  
  
Sal:"... how... nice... OogaBooga, I think you should pu..."  
  
*Sal was smashed into the ground so hard by his 'teddy' that only his head was sticking out.*  
  
OogaBooga:"AWWWWW FUNNY TEDDY!"  
  
Fred:"HAHAHAHAHAHA HOHOHOHOHOHOHO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I can't believe some of the funny shit that happens when OogaBooga is around!"  
  
Sal:"Get... ME... OUTTA HERE!!!"  
  
#3:"That's it, I've had enough."  
  
*Soon both the 'teddies' lay dead on the ground.*  
  
OogaBooga:"AWWWW TEDDIES GO BYE BYE!"  
  
#3:"Now, OogaBooga, we need to have a talk about your choice of playmates..."  
  
*The two sat down and talked. It ended up with OogaBooga complaining about his teddies most unfortunate demise and #3 tried to calm him down by giving him a real teddy. OogaBooga was delighted by it and stuffed in his backpack.*  
  
Sal:"Now that that episode is over we must now kill the Countess!"  
  
Fred:"Yeah yeah yeah, whatever."  
  
*The heroes found themselves standing in front of the tower ruins.*  
  
Fred:"Dude, I know you are lazy but for the love of Peat..."  
  
**Do you dare question my laziness in front of me???**  
  
Fred:"Eeep, SORRY! JUST DON'T HURT ME!!!"  
  
*#3 shakes his head.*  
  
#3:"Common guys, lets go."  
  
*The heroes travelled down the levels of the cellar towards the Countess's room. But when they go there they were shocked by what they saw. It was the Countess having a pool party with all her minions in a pool of blood (literally speaking as in a pool that you have in your garden. Not as in a deep puddle).*  
  
Sal:"Oh my, I think I'm going to throw up."  
  
*He does so.*  
  
Fred:"Awwwwww, sick..."  
  
*He follows suit and throws up over #3.*  
  
#3:"Aaaarg, why I oughta ki... Ohhhhhhh I don't feel so good. I think I'm gonna... think I'm gonna... gonna...*  
  
*He throws up witch starts Sal off again witch starts Fred which starts #3 off again and so on and so forth until they are lying a pool (this time it's a deep puddle) of vomit. OogaBooga is unfazed because he is in the pool (the blood one) with the Countess. They are playing pool volleyball and OogaBooga and the Countess are on the one side.*  
  
OogaBooga:"UMMMMM, ARE WE WINNING?"  
  
Countess:"Care to take a blood bath?"  
  
OogaBooga:"HUH? ME CONFUSED..."  
  
Other heroes:[groan] "Not again..."  
  
OogaBooga:"ME CONFUSED... ME BASH!!!"  
  
*OogaBooga started to flail around wildly killing both the Countess and her minions. The party are too sick to comment so they open a portal and are dragged/carried through by OogaBooga.*  
  
OogaBooga:"THAT WAS FUN!!! ME WANNA DO AGAIN!!!"  
  
Fred:"Ohhhhhhhhhhh, shut up OogaBooga."  
  
  
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I once again apologise for the lateness of this chapter. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK (unless it's nice things) NOW REVIEW! 


	13. Misguided Love

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND I'M BACK!!!! I once again apologise for the lateness of my stories. The excuse is that well... I don't have an excuse so there! Just enjoy the story!  
  
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*The scene opens with all the Heroes sitting around in armchairs chatting. All except OogaBooga who is playing aeroplane with his teddy.*  
  
#3:"Hey look! Diablo-2-Freak is back! What took you so long?"  
  
Sal"Yes indeed, what is the reason for your absence?"  
  
Fred"ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZ... Huh? What's happening? What? HUH? Oh, hi Diablo-2-Freak."  
  
**Hi, now it is time for you to get back to work!**  
  
*The heroes' armchairs suddenly disappear causing the heroes to fall to the ground.*  
  
All (except OogaBooga):"OW!"  
  
Fred:"Ok, whadda we do now?"  
  
**Talk to Charsi for your quest**  
  
OogaBooga:"Ahhhhhh Charsi my love, her eyes sparkle like a thousand diamonds. Her hair like a river of silk, her lips so..."  
  
Fred:"Ok, is it just me or is something wrong with OogaBooga?"  
  
Sal:"Oh my, I think, I think, he's..."  
  
#3"In love..."  
  
Fred:"Bwhahahahahahaha!!! OogaBooga, in love!?!?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"  
  
OogaBooga:"ME NO LIKE WHEN YOU HURT OOGABOOGAS FEELINGS!"  
  
Fred:"Oh no..."  
  
*Fred was knocked unconscious by a very angry OogaBooga*  
  
OogaBooga:"ME, LOVE, CHARSI!"  
  
RedLady has joined this world. Diablo's minions grow stronger  
  
RedLady:"No, it can't be... OogaBooga! I'm the one that loves you!"  
  
OogaBooga:"HUH? ME LOVE CHARSI, NOT REDLADY!"  
  
RedLady:"Why you little... *changes to evil personality and thinks of an evil plan* hehehehehe..."  
  
*RedLady walk over to Akara and begins to talk.*  
  
RedLady:"... you see Akara, I 'need' this love potion for my, ahhh, friend, yeah that's it, friend."  
  
Akara:"Ok, if that's the reason here's the potion."  
  
*RedLady takes the potion and walk over to OogaBooga who is talking happily to Charsi.*  
  
OogaBooga:"... AND BANG, MONSTER GET SMASHED BY OOGABOOGA!"  
  
RedLady:[said sweetly] "Oh, OogaBooga, come over here..."  
  
OogaBooga:"OK, ME BE RIGHT BACK CHARSI." [he walks over to RedLady] "YES?"  
  
RedLady:"Here's a present for you." [she gives him the potion] "goodbye..."  
  
*OogaBooga walks back over to Charsi.*  
  
OogaBooga:"HERE CHARSI I HAVE PRESENT FOR YOU!"  
  
*He hands over the potion to Charsi.*  
  
Charsi:"Oh, thank you OogaBooga, I'll drink it right now!"  
  
*She drink it and instantly becomes more in love with OogaBooga than ever before.*  
  
RedLady:"DOH!"  
  
*RedLady walks up to Sal*  
  
RedLady:"So, ummm... do ya wanna go out tonight, I've got nothing on..."  
  
Sal:"No offence or anything but, no."  
  
(A/N: I mean no disrespect RedLady but that was just something I thought of and It was just to funny not to put in!)  
  
RedLady:"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THATS IT! I'M FED UP WITH THIS I'M LEAVING!!!"  
  
RedLady has left this world. Diablo's minions grow weaker  
  
Fred:"What's her problem?"  
  
*A safe suddenly falls on Fred's head.*  
  
Fred:"OWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! HEY DIABLO-2-FREAK WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!!!!"  
  
**Sorry, wasn't me. RedLady was pissed off at you and because she's an author too she has the same powers as me.**  
  
Fred:"Yeah, ok, whatever."  
  
*Another safe falls on his head.*  
  
**That, was me.*  
  
  
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BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, other end stuff. Review 


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